Why adoption may traumatize a child
Everyone agrees that adoption is done in the child’s best interest, but despite this, the harsh truth is that adoption, by its nature, is a suboptimal. It’s a necessary compromise for when the actual best thing for a child - being cared for and brought up by their biological parents - is not an option. Adoption allows that child to still have a happy, fulfilling, and filled with love life, but there’s one thing that it cannot give and that is the deep emotional connection that a child can have only with their biological parents, and especially the mother. Furthermore, in order to assure that the adoptive parents are ready and well prepared to adopt a baby, authorities always require them to participate in different training and adoption parenting classes.
It’s no secret that the bond between mother and child gets established even before birth - during the time the baby is growing inside the womb. Even if babies don’t understand what’s really happening in the first couple of years of their lives, they can still sense being separated from their mothers. So even if a baby gets adopted soon after its birth, there will still be some amount of deep-seated emotional trauma buried within their psyche. No amount of care, nurture, and love from the adoptive parents would ever be quite enough to fill the gap left behind from the separation from the mother.
Conflicted feelings
This separation, and the trauma that it brings, are the primary reason why adoptees are more prone to having mental disorders and other emotional and psychological issues. However, since being adopted is a good thing, adoptees often feel like they would come off as ungrateful if they were to acknowledge and express their pain and sadness caused by the fact that they were never given the chance to be raised by their biological parents.
The way society looks at adoption is as a thing that adoptees should be thankful for. But while there’s certainly a reason to be grateful for having adoptive parents, as we already explained, this is still a suboptimal way of being raised. In other words, adoptees need to realize that their sadness and pain are perfectly valid and should not be bottled up and viewed as a lack of gratitude.
The effects that being adopted can have on one’s mental health
As we said, adoptees are far more likely to suffer from mental health issues, which is due to the unfortunate effects of being separated from one’s biological parents. This is not to say that all adopted children are guaranteed to have such issues, but the fact of the matter is that such a separation always leaves behind a trace. Whether the adoptee develops a mental health disorder depends on many factors, yet it is important to understand that even with the kindest and most caring adoptive parents, it’s still very possible that the child may have some kind of mental health problem.
Here are some of the more common such disorders often seen in adoptees:
Depression
Bipolar disorder
Post-traumatic stress disorder
Anxiety
Attention-deficit/hyperactivity-disorder
Oppositional defiant disorder
Unfortunately, the high number of people suffering from a mental health condition among adoptees is directly correlated to a higher number of suicide attempts and suicidal tendencies. This is yet another reason why both children and adults who are adopted should be provided with understanding and encouraged to talk about their feelings and emotions, rather than letting those feelings and emotions remain bottled up.
Other emotional issues faced by adopted people
Another very important point to consider is that, even if an adoptee doesn’t suffer from a specific mental health disorder, this doesn’t mean that they aren’t faced with other emotional struggles that are linked to being adopted. Even if a person doesn’t get diagnosed with a particular mental health condition, this doesn’t invalidate the emotional struggles that they may feel, and talking openly about those struggles and acknowledging them is necessary in order to overcome them.
Bottled-up grief
Many adoptees feel like they aren’t supposed to grief and be sad about not being with their biological parents. As we already mentioned, society’s message towards adopted people is that they should be thankful that they have a chance at a better life. However, being thankful because you are being taken care of by your adoptive parents doesn’t mean you can’t also be sad that getting adopted was needed in the first place.
Trust issues
It is common for adopted people, especially into their adulthood, to feel like they cannot trust anyone. Even if they have caring adoptive parents, the fact that their biological ones have left for some reason can make it difficult to trust other people in the future.
Hypervigilance
The initial separation of mother and child triggers the release of large levels of cortisol (the stress hormone) in the baby. This often results in some form of PTSD in the adoptee and causes them to always be on guard and have a sense of danger, even when growing up in a safe and caring environment.
Struggles with finding one’s self
Most children and young adults inevitably go through a phase of self-discovery, when they can become very confused, sad, or frustrated. Feeling like you “don’t belong” is a universal struggle that most people have to deal with at a certain point, but being adopted makes this struggle that more difficult. This is especially pronounced in trans-racial adoptions, where the child and the adoptive parents are from different races. This can make the child feel like they belong in neither their adoptive family nor in their biological one.
Tackling the issue
The first and most important step towards tackling the mental health and emotional problems so often experienced by adoptees is to acknowledge them as something valid that’s worth talking about. This applies to both society as a whole, and the adoptees themselves.
The next step is to uncover the particular type of trauma of each individual and peel off its many layers until everything’s out in the open. It’s only then that the person who’s struggling can start working on overcoming their trauma and repairing the emotional damage that it has caused.
