Parenting is a tough job with no paid leave and no sick days, but the thing that’s most difficult about parenting is that any mistakes you may be making along the way could stay hidden for a long while before their effects become apparent. And sadly, at that point, it’s often too late to repair their consequences. The interesting thing is that often the mistakes that parents make aren’t out of carelessness or lack of desire to do well by their kids. In fact, in many cases, the things that parents do wrong are done precisely because they want to do the right thing so much that they fall into extremes, which is never a good approach when it comes to raising a child. Then again, there are also the mistakes made out of lack of experience or attention, and finally (and unfortunately), there are the mistakes that some parents make simply because they are negligent and not too invested in their child’s upbringing.
In any case, if you are someone who has a child, is about to have one, or even if you simply want to have kids far into the future, be sure to stay with us and learn about some of the most common parenting mistakes. By simply learning what they are and making sure to avoid them, you’ll already be giving your kids (or future kids) a much better upbringing.
Not letting your child scrape their knee
This is a good example of a mistake made by people who truly want to be the best parents possible. In their attempts to protect and care for their children, such parents often fall into the extreme of being overly-protective, which can actually be quite bad for the kid. As early as a baby becomes a toddler, it needs to gradually be given bits of freedom to explore the boundaries of the world on its own, unrestricted by its parent’s guiding hand.
No one denies that small and young children need all the protection and care they can get, but this doesn’t mean to limit them in such a way that they never come in contact with the real world which, for a toddler or a small child, would simply mean letting them play in the sandpit, slide down the slide, or climb up the climbing frame. Of course, you’ll be nearby to keep them safe, but you shouldn’t smother their drive for adventure and exploration.
Comparison
Remember that one time when you were six and your mom got mad at you for something and then told you how that other kid from the kindergarten is so much more well-behaved and polite? Yes, comments like this leave a trace that goes deeper than many people realize. A situation like this may seem like a silly memory from when you were a kid, but the actual psychological effects that such inconsiderate comparisons have on small children can have serious effects on their psyche during their formative years.
It’s never a good idea to make such negative comparisons between other children and your kid, as they can lead to feelings of inadequacy and inferiority, and make your kid think they are less than others and not worthy of your love or respect. Even if you are really annoyed at your kid because of something wrong they’ve done, comparing their behavior to that of another kid is not okay. Instead, a much better approach would be to make the comparison with some grown-up person or even a fictional character that the kid really likes and let them know that person/character would never act in such a way. This will remind them they’ve acted in a manner that someone they consider as a role model would disprove of and will hopefully motivate them to act differently in the future.
Lacking boundaries
Kids test us all the time and the way we respond to their tests largely determines how they behave and how much authority we have over them. Let’s say your 3-year-old throws their favorite toy on the ground, and you tell them no to do it again. Naturally, sooner or later, the toddler will repeat the forbidden action just to see what happens. At that point, it is very important to make it perfectly clear to them that this truly is unacceptable behavior that will not be tolerated.
One way to do this is by taking away the toy for a day and not giving it back regardless of all the inevitable whining, crying, and promises. That is a boundary the kid shouldn’t cross again, and now they’ll know it. On the other hand, if you do not make sure to discourage unacceptable behavior, in the mind of the kid, this makes the behavior acceptable, and they’ll continue to further test where your limits truly lie.
Losing your cool
Setting boundaries is important, but must be done in a cool and calm manner. Back to the example with the thrown toy - you can either take away the toy and calmly tell your toddler you won’t give it back until tomorrow, or you can take it, but also get mad and start shouting at the kid. This is never a good idea because losing your temper like this will either traumatize the child or let them know that they have control over your emotions, which will significantly diminish any parental authority that you have. Either outcome will make raising the kid a lot more difficult, so it’s important to always try to stay calm, even when under the effects of strong emotions.
Failing to set an example
Lastly, we come to something that so many people fail to realize, namely the fact that kids, especially very young ones, are strongly affected by the personalities, behaviors, and actions of their parents. In other words, the person you are has a huge effect on the person your kid will become, or as the saying goes “monkey see, monkey do”. Therefore, trying to be the best possible version of yourself is essential if you want to give your kids a good upbringing. If you smoke cigarettes or tend to overeat, do not expect your kids to not do the same, or if you are mean to your own parents, do not be surprised when your children start being mean to you. Setting an example, not only for your kids, but for people in general, is super important, and it’s the way to make the world around us a better place than we found it.
