The majority of men and women embark on their journey together full of love and dreams. And they all think that if they love each other so much, they won't ever go through the difficulties that come with having parents, friends, and other loved ones in their lives.
Why Do People Get Divorced?
Statistics show that 40% of marriages that do not result in divorce fall between a bad and acceptably good category. Nevertheless, individuals are still looking for intimacy. Within three to five years of divorce, 80% of divorcees remarry. Unfortunately, they struggle to maintain their marriages, and more than one-third of them result in another divorce.
And here comes the question - Why do individuals keep getting married when there are so many problems in our relationships? Because we require family and affection. We seek companionship and closeness. Clearly, we have a tremendous desire to commit. For the sake of the individual sitting next to us, we are even willing to compromise our own developmental path and our ties with our parents. However, we are unsure of the requirements for a "working" marriage. And it is obvious that our desire alone is insufficient.
Major Mistakes That Divorced Parents Make
Divorce is a challenging moment for a family. The most affected children are those whose parents have divorced, and the parents often ignore the children's sentiments while fighting. Some of the kids end up serving as peacemakers between their combative parents, while others struggle with parents who suddenly find themselves unable to handle simple responsibilities like making dinner and assisting their kids with their homework. Even as adults, many of the children still bear the scars of their parents' divorce.
However, parents play a crucial role in safeguarding their children's well-being during the divorce process. To equip themselves for this challenging journey, they can consider enrolling in parenting courses. These courses can provide valuable guidance and strategies to navigate the emotional terrain of divorce, ensuring a more stable and supportive environment for their children. And yet, the following are some common errors that parents should avoid:
Don't make the child the middleman
If something has to be clarified, do it over the phone, in a single text, or possibly via email. Today, it is a fantastic instrument for interpersonal communication. The practical-concrete aspects of raising, raising, and alimony for the child can be negotiated through the emails. Negative emotions and the reopening of past wounds are prevented in this way. Don't discuss the divorce or your resentment towards your ex with others. Never allow yourself to talk about issues with your kids. They shouldn't be exposed to your conflicts, disagreements, and contradictions.
Don’t try To Do Anything On Your Own, Seek a Professionals’ Help
Consult a professional if you need assistance controlling your anger and anxiety. After the divorce, try to listen to and comprehend your child. Additionally, they seek to be heard and understood. The child should not hear parents criticize their ex-partner in front of them. Children should not be exposed to this. Given that the child is related to his father by blood, the mother shouldn't discuss the amount and type of help his father provides because doing so will damage the child's self-esteem and is not good for his health or productivity. Additionally, moms should take extra care to avoid designating their children as "man of the house" or "housewife of the house". Children should experience childhood as intended, with their mother handling all adult tasks. You might be tempted to spoil your youngster with new toys and entertainment if you are a parent who is away from home. However, what matters most is that the youngster feels secure and protected. No child ever chooses a toy above actual interaction with their parents.
Influence Of Divorce On The Psychological State Of The Child
It is challenging to gauge how children's psychological states will be affected by parental divorce in the future. The child places a lot of value on the family. The youngster finds his basic psychological requirements of love, communication, and protection there, between the two parents. The infant experiences affection from the moment of birth and learns to experience and express emotions as well as to love and trust. The child learns to build and grow connections, to perceive and experience crisis circumstances by imitating their parents. According to research, divorce ranks fourth among stressful life events for adolescents, behind deaths of parents, siblings, and close friends.
Research shows that during the first year after divorce, both boys and girls demonstrate much higher levels of anxiety, restlessness, aggressive and disobedient behavior in their relationships with peers and adults than children from intact families. According to other data, the consequences of divorce are experienced more strongly by boys than by girls. The data and the ratio between adolescents and young children are similar. In teenagers, the reaction to parents' divorce can be expressed in a rebellion against school rules, against the parents themselves, and in adolescents - in emotional tension. Adolescents often become unmanageable, aggressive, exhibit infantilism, (childlike behavior, regress) and anxiety, lose self-control, find it difficult to establish and maintain constant contact with peers. When a teenager loses one of his parents after a divorce, he begins to perceive the world egocentrically, fearing the changes that may occur in his life: changing his place of residence, school, circle of friends, possible material difficulties. Many young people may feel ashamed and hide family problems from their peers. They may feel anger and hostility toward that parent who is blamed for the divorce, or toward both of them. Very often accusations against their father or their mother follow, that they have turned their backs on the family, that they hate them for that, that they will never forgive them, etc.
The divorce of the parents can also have an impact on the future behavior of the adolescent in his own family.
Children of divorced parents are more likely to experience a divorce in the future than children of intact homes. This phenomenon can be explained by a more accepting attitude toward divorce and a diminished sense of accountability for marital duties. The urge to make up for emotional warmth deficits in the parental home or a drive to attain independence are other reasons why youngsters from broken families marry at an earlier age than their peers from good households. Such young unions frequently end in divorce.
The divorce of the parents can influence the formation of the adolescent's system of value orientations.
According to research, the hierarchy of life values of 18 -19 year-old students from divorced couples includes compensatory signs: there is a greater preference for the value of emotional closeness, love, and a happy family life, in comparison to students from full families, who place her "maximum use of her opportunities and abilities," i.e. values for self–development and self–realization. In addition, the research demonstrates that the type of relationships that have developed within the family are just as significant as the divorce itself. In contrast to children whose parents are not divorced but who live in a constantly conflictual setting, observations of children at the end of the second year of a divorce show that their behavior becomes less violent.
