Don't jump on the bed," you loudly warn your child once again and continue, "You could fall and hurt yourself." And of course - it jumps, falls, cries, you explain to him/her that you told him/her it would happen like this and you know that the next day everything will happen again. Sometimes you look into your child's eyes and think, "Isn't he making fun of me? It's been repeated hundreds of times. There's no way he didn't remember!"
Next comes the feeling that you are humiliated because the child is doing something on purpose, then yelling and screaming, you are angry that you are angry... We are very familiar with this "vicious circle".
If you feel at a dead end because neither privilege revocation, penalties, nor warnings work, this article is definitely for you.
Understand that yelling is not effective
You make an effort to explain clearly and with a calm voice. Nothing, however, alters. Speak louder the second time. Your warnings are accompanied by imitations. You become irate the third time it occurs. Your voice quivers as you scream.
Then, in a split second, your child's eyes transform, growing larger. His face bears the mark of shock that your remarks caused. Probably both frightening and irritating. Now that your rage has subsided, you regret acting in that manner. You have an intuitive sense that you have advanced.
When people don't get along with you at work or in your employer's office, do you allow yourself to yell at them? So why do you do it to your own child, then? Know that this is not the proper approach. Instead of yelling, use a firm voice and a calm demeanor. Tell the child up front what will happen if he misbehaves.
Speak with assurance and make eye contact with the child. Instead of screaming at the kid, talk to him! Your comments will have more of an effect on the child the more composed and assured you appear to be. You could even merely whisper. Kids pay attention when you speak in a stern yet calm tone.
The results of the study show that severe punishment still has negative consequences and is only effective when there is a close emotional connection between parents and children. A parent's yelling at their child damages their feeling of self-worth. According to one of the study's authors, the young child feels undervalued and unneeded as a result. The youngster still has traces, even if they are only sometimes called. If you are normally supportive of your child, it is worse when you lose your temper.
How to stop yelling at our kids
Perhaps yelling at children is the most common parenting error. A 2014 study that was published in The Journal of Child Development found that yelling has similar impacts on children as physical punishment, including increased levels of worry, tension, and behavioral problems.
Think about this: How often have you yelled at your kids and then later thought, "Well, that was a good decision..."?
When you yell, they don't think you're more strong; they think you're an adult with no self-control. You yell because, as it would seem, you are weak. But I, like the majority of parents, find it challenging to imagine a day without yelling. Recent research on screaming highlights two concerns for parents: Why can't I stop? So what shall I do in its stead?
To be clear, we are not talking about situations when you yell at your kid for running a red light. It has to do with employing yelling as a kind of discipline (for instance, for academic success or because the young child failed to wash his hands before/after supper or to clean his room once more).
Many people view "positive parenting" as being lazy, as if calm, positive parents don't properly discipline their kids. But it is the moderate tone that calls for a lot of forethought and self-control on the side of parents who are able to shift from angry feelings to positive deeds rather than yelling.
Ask your child if he can learn to put his shoes away in the morning rather than yelling at him/her or her every night for putting one shoe off at the front entrance and rolling the other in the kitchen. Make sure he places them nicely next to the other items when you get home. Tell him/her hat it's cool if he does.
Praise is a pretty odd technique; to express happiness with the child's deed, you may even need to wave your hands in the air or put on a big stupid smile. The next step is to express exactly what you are impressed about while raising your voice. There is a third component as well, which is to give the kid some nonverbal praise. For instance, give the kid a hug. It may sound juvenile, but by doing it this way, you may teach him/her to value the recognition that comes with excellent behavior. That is the objective.
Encouraging positive behavior in children through praise and nonverbal cues can foster a sense of recognition and appreciation. Remember, praising is just one of many effective strategies. For further guidance on nurturing positive behaviors, consider enrolling in a parenting skills class.
How to get children to listen to us without yelling
We well understand how you must be feeling when you begin to lose your mind and shout. Every parent has experienced this. not even once. Ironically, we detest yelling because we know in our hearts that it is ineffective. After all, if it worked, we wouldn't keep running into the same problem. So we made the decision to discuss it. Specifically, how can we speak to kids without yelling at them?
Your children are probably old enough to understand when you ask them to do something for the first time (at least most of the time).
Why then is it so challenging to get our kids to pay attention without yelling at them?
Changing the way you speak with children is sometimes the first step in learning how to get them to listen without yelling.
Instead of using arbitrary punishments, utilize natural consequences that are appropriate for their actions. If there isn't a logical outcome, describe the effects of their decision and the need for them to pay attention.
Be consistent in enforcing homework requirements and carrying out these consequences. Ask yourself if it's necessary to support certain positions firmly at the same time.
Reach out and work together with your children and remind them of the natural incentives they get from starting or completing tasks. Note the times they listen and acknowledge their positive behavior.
Finally, make sure they are in good health and that you are meeting their basic needs.
